I have become mildly obsessive in my snacking recently. There has just been this constant need to be eating something, even when I’m not hungry… at all. It would be very easy to ignore that there is a problem, and continue my frequent trips to the kitchen – but I decided to resist the urge to do what was easy today. Continuing to eat junk food, and then beating up on myself  for having no self-control would be super easy. Changing this bad habit before it gets too deeply ingrained in my routine is much more difficult. So, today I made a pact with myself. At the start of the day I said to myself “when today ends, I want to be able to look back on everything I ate today without any regrets. I’m going eliminate excessive pre-dinner snacking and I’m going to resist having any of the leftover cake sitting in the fridge at my school.

I’m super excited to share that I succeeded in passing this personal challenge, and had a very calorie conscious day. For snacks I had 3 handfuls of unsalted peanuts (dispersed throughout the day), a handful of raisins, half a protein bar, and an apple. For desserts I had 1 caramel rice cake after dinner, and a 100 calorie crispy minis snack after lunch. Lately I feel as though I’ve been relying on food to keep me alert, but as things at school have been picking up (and my confidence has been growing), I have been feeling less and less tired and in need of that kind of stimulation. I’m able to remain alert and productive all day solely through the power of my excitement to be alive.

It can be scary to change something in your life that has become habitual, but sometimes it’s a necessary challenge if you want to create lasting change. I have always been an impulsive eater, but now that’s going to change.

For the next 20 days I’m going to record everything that I eat in an effort to combat compulsive eating, and consequently turn mindful eating into a habit.

For me, being excessively tired is a result of a shaky sense of direction. An uncertainty regarding where I’m going in life. That uncertainty is beginning to lift as I become more conscious of myself as a creative human being with something to offer.

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