It struck me, as I was walking down the street, how calm I feel. This is coming from a person who has struggled with anxiety her entire life. In university I would work myself to a point of hyperventilation (or that’s what it felt like) when I felt overwhelmed. If I had an exam or a paper due, I would spend hours worrying about the possibility that I wouldn’t get everything done. Logical right? Maybe it’s because I’ve learned how to manage my time, but I think the real reason is I’ve learned how to manage myself.

When I tried to manage my time, I would plan ahead how long I thought a specific task would take me. Doing this always led to procrastination, and it also made it impossible for me to live in the present. I would think of my day in terms of time, instead of just living and doing what I need to do as soon as I need to do it. I would be sitting on the couch and think “I’m thirsty,” but instead of just getting up and getting a drink, I would look at the time and say something like “I’ll get up at 5:15… so 8 minutes.” I mean, how ridiculous is that? Can you imagine how much time I waste by being a prisoner of time. If I want to go to bed, why can’t I just go to bed. If I wake up and it’s “early” I have gone back to bed only because it feels too early. How does that make sense?

I think the reason for my decrease in stress and my increase in productivity, is I have started to distance myself from the shackles of time. It’s not about managing time, it’s about managing yourself.

I’d also like to report that my first day of avoiding unconscious snacking and writing everything that I eat down was met with success. It has been a really good day, and tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. So, I guess I’ll put aside my work and have a little bit of fun… maybe.