One of things I’ve really focused on during my acting training is my voice. When I speak there is this annoying little tremor that I hear when I lose control over my instrument – this specifically happens when I’m feeling nervous, excited, or self-conscious. I’ve been trying my best to work daily on improving the strength of my voice, and though I have been met with moderate success I feel as though there is something holding me back from releasing my voice completely. Lately I have been very aware of tension in my throat that I don’t remember ever feeling so acutely before. The tension starts where my tonsils should be (I had them removed when I was in grade 4) and ends at the base of my neck. I wouldn’t call the tension painful, but it is definitely uncomfortable. The tension can be released temporarily through deep breathing, so that definitely gives me a clue regarding what I need to do to get rid of it – but still I’m struggling.
Today in the voice over booth, I became frustrated as I heard the strain in my voice as I listened to the recording. When I pronounced certain sounds and words (like “I”) I could hear my voice crack. What’s strange is that when I raise or drop my register and take on a character that strain seems to virtually disappear. Why do I have such a difficult time speaking using my own natural speaking voice?
I think the strain in my throat is a result of my body fighting against the huge leaps in confidence I have been experiencing over the past couple of months. I am totally and completely out of my comfort zone right now, and that strain is my body wanting me to go back to where I was… to where it was comfortable. Well I refuse to go back to being afraid to acknowledge and vocalize my opinions. I refuse to return to the insecure and uncertain place I was before. I am moving forward, and if I am gentle with my body and constantly affirm that it’s okay to let go – I believe that tension will slowly start to release.
Our voices say so much about who we are. I really believe that by listening to a person’s voice you gain insight into their fears, insecurities, passions, and dreams. Speaking connects us to the world. By being afraid of the world I cut my voice off at young age, and so this vocal work is as much about overcoming my fears as strengthening the vocal muscles.
In Kristen Linklater’s book “Freeing the Natural Voice” she says the following:
“Actor’s voices must learn to be dissolved by the impulses of thought and feeling. Actor’s must not use their voices to describe and transmit the story, but their voices must be wide and long and strong and tender enough to reveal the breadth and depth of the imagination. If the voice is limited by habit and tension, it will limit the transmission of the imagination.”
Unlocking my voice will unlock so many other aspects of my craft, but this is not a process that should be forced. This should be a gentle process where I take the time to validate every victory, no matter how small. This isn’t something that is hard or that needs to take a specified amount of time. Results will happen when they happen, and I need to be open to this reality.
I have also decided to keep an audio journal where I record my thoughts after each vocal session. When I notice a significant amount of improvement, I will share the results with you. Let’s say in 2 weeks time.