Yesterday evening really challenged my mind. As I sat down at a Blenz coffee shop, around 3:30pm, I was overcome by an exhaustion that basically lasted until the end of the day. Stepping back, I can understand that this exhaustion was completely self-induced. I felt tired, and then I began thinking “I need to wake up, I don’t have time to be tired.” By placing stress on myself, I made myself even more tired. By the time I went to bed, I was in a very weird sort of mushy state. I felt disappointed in myself for not having a productive afternoon. One of the reasons I felt so tired, was I was overwhelmed with the amount that was on my to-do list. What the experience has taught me, is that I really do need to write things down. I need to make a plan for myself at the start of my day, or else I become a wanderer, the wandering makes me stressed, and the stress makes me tired.
A previous me would have beat myself up over the afternoon I had, and that resentment would have carried on into the next day, and possibly even the day after that. But yesterday, I did something unusual before I went to sleep, something I’ve never done before. I forgave myself. Laying in my bed, I spoke kindly to myself. I said “Christine, you’ve been going non stop for the last few days, and as a result you are tired. You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to have an off day, and it really wasn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be. You went to the gym this morning, you did an hour of voice work, you met up with a friend, you got some work done on your screenplay, you compiled some new pictures for your vision board, and you picked up a few books at the library. Even if you didn’t get much done in the evening, you got so much done in the morning and afternoon. You’ve had a good day, and now you are going to get some well deserved sleep. Tomorrow you will feel well rested, and ready to start a new day.” So, I set my alarm for 7am, and when it went off this morning I got straight out of bed, made myself some tea, and read for an hour and a half. The day is just starting, and it has already been a fantastic day.
As I’m writing this down, I’m realizing that I actually feel proud o f that supposedly “bad day.” It’s funny how our minds can construe events, and make us feel terrible when there really isn’t anything to feel terrible about.
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Getting back to the topic this week, I’m going to have to really rely on my internal comfort zone today because I am going to be doing something that is completely outside of it. Networking. Tonight I am attending the Vancouver “Cold Reading Series.” It is an event where local writers can have their work read aloud (by actors) in front of an audience. You can visit their facebook page by clicking on the following link: Cold Reading Series. When I attend this event, I have decided to challenge myself to speak to as many people as possible. Maybe I should set a numerical goal for myself… lets say 10 people.
At the “Cold Reading Series” I promise that I will confidently introduce myself to a minimum of 10 people.
I tend to become extremely introverted and shy during public functions. Maybe it’s because I fear I have nothing to say, maybe it’s because I fear that others are too important to speak to me. Whatever the reason, I can definitely understand that my fear is based on a complete falsity’s. Believing those thoughts do not serve me. The only way to overcome this fear of social interaction, is to throw myself in the middle of a very social situation. It’s going to be scary, and when I get there I’m going to wish that I hadn’t written in my blog and set this goal, but it’s too late now. I’m doing it.
Stay tuned for my next post, and I’ll let you know how this crazy experiment went.