I feel the need to use this post to do a huge thank you to my boyfriend (of almost 4 1/2 amazing years) for helping me to get through my slumps.
I was exhausted yesterday, probably because I haven’t been allowing myself to take a break. I went to bed at 11am (which is super early for me) and then did not get out of bed until 10am in the morning. I am under exaggerating if I tell you that I was miserable. Debilitating anger! That’s what I felt towards myself. I sat on the couch watching “The View” with a look on my face resembling someone who was on their way to a funeral. I honestly worked myself into such a slump, that it was as if I was getting ready to attend my own funeral. I am internally screaming at myself right now for being such a drama queen.
My boyfriend said it best (and I’m paraphrasing): “So you let yourself indulge in sleep this morning. Who cares? Do you know what I was thinking? I was thinking: you know there are lots of things I could be doing right now – but I am really enjoying this opportunity to lay in bed next to my girlfriend.” I turned my head away from him as I became consumed with guilt over my immature behavior. “Can you turn back time and make it so you got up earlier this morning?” he asked me. I shook my head no. “So then what’s the point of working yourself into this state? Can you imagine how different a morning you would be having right now if you had enjoyed the luxury of sleeping in, and if you had enjoyed everything that sleeping in entailed?”
Well, I can imagine that morning, and even though I didn’t mean to sleep in until 10pm – I think I would have really enjoyed that morning.
What got me back into my reasonable and sane mind was a combination of Greg’s words, and 10k run on the treadmill. Running always helps me to clear my mind, and I always feel amazing after a good run. Today was no exception to that rule. As I enjoyed my protein shake I thought about all the things in my life I am grateful for, and how silly the experience of regret really is. Feeling regretful wastes so much time. Next time I find myself in a similar situation I promise to stop what I’m doing and ask myself the following questions:
- Why am I feeling this way? (really take a moment to dissect my self-talk and my emotions).
- Will doing what I’m doing right now change what I feel angry about doing in the past?
- What can I do to get myself in a better state of mind.
Feeling good can be hard work – especially during those times when you want nothing more than to crawl back into bed and sulk, but as part of this project I promise to work on making that self-loathing place I was in this morning uncomfortable. Right now, hating myself is definitely still in my comfort zone. It’s something I’ve done my entire life, but it is something that needs to change.
I’m just lucky that I live in the same home as my own self-talk referee, and that he’s encountering the same insecurities and pursuing a similar dream to me. How lucky we are sometimes – without even knowing it.
Thank you.