So… I pretended like I was having sex in class today. I’d say that I embraced yesterdays challenge (to take a risk and do something completely outside of my comfort zone) and then some. It was more incredible and more liberating than anything that I’ve experienced yet. Maybe I should elaborate?

In class, my coach asked a classmate and myself to make sex noises in order to provoke feelings of jealousy in another classmate who was doing a scene. I was apprehensive and embarrassed at first. I felt silly making those noises, especially while sitting next to a friend. Then, I remembered the challenge that I had made to myself, and I thought: “screw it.” I let those moans and gasps melt and explode out of me. No fear, I thought. Our coach stopped us, and then motioned to start again a couple of minutes later. This time, I faced my chair and let myself believe that I was actually experiencing sex, and those sounds just exploded out of me. I became completely consumed in what I was doing, that I forgot that there were people watching me. I felt so incredibly free, and unafraid. Afterwards, a colleague said to me: “that sounded so real.” Yeah, I thought to myself, that’s because it was real. BINGO!! By embracing this challenge, and by feeling so secure in myself that I was able to do this exercise, I hit upon a truth of acting. The craziest thing is that I don’t feel embarrassed at all about what I did. All I feel is elation and pride in myself. Over and over again, my coaches have told me:

Live the experience, don’t show me how you’re living the experience.

Be moment to moment.

There is no right, there is only living truthfully.

It all makes sense now. By being truthful in what I was experiencing, I wasn’t concerned with what other people thought of me. I WAS TOO INVOLVED  IN WHAT I WAS DOING!I was too busy living to care about whether or not it was right. I knew it was right. How could something that was real, not be right?

I’ve also hit upon the benefits of living moment to moment during my daily exercise routine. What’s the benefit of focusing on time left on a workout dvd, or miles left in a run? I’m able to push myself so much harder if all I focus on is putting one foot ahead of the other, or completing this lunge, or that pushup. I did the P90X Core Synergistic exercise this morning. There is an exercise on there that I have previously had a lot of difficulty completing: a running plank. They want you to do this exercise for a full minute, and every other time I’ve done it I have had to stop and rest half way through. This time, instead of focusing on the time, I just focused on alternating legs. I thought “I have the strength right now, in this moment, to switch my legs” – and I thought this over and over again until the minute was up. When I stood up, I realized that not only had I completed the exercise without stopping, but I had also completed it with double the speed. Incredible – by eliminating my predictions and worry of how a situation would turn out, I was able to achieve something that I didn’t believe I could do. Life happens in the present moment – and yet so many of us are stuck in the future or in the past. We can’t achieve anything if we remain in those fantasy worlds – all of our power lies in the now.

So be in the now, and trust yourself. We are all capable of amazing things.

Tomorrow I’m going to focus on making decisions that are reflective of my values and my belief in myself and my abilities. I don’t know how this will materialize, but I guess (much like today) we shall find out.

Thank you for reading.