This week is all about being a model, and not a critic, but more important than not being a critic of others is avoiding being a critic of yourself. What does telling yourself you can’t do something really prove? That you’re right that you are a worthless, talentless, piece of poop? Congratulations. Honestly though, how is that little critical voice serving you? How does thinking about forgetting my lines, help me to nail an audition? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Some people might say: “well I’m just being realistic.” Okay, fine…HOW ABOUT WE TRY BEING UNREALISTIC AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS! I have a really difficult time believing that life is about doing the safe and predictable thing. It’s people who live their life in this way who one day turn 60 and suddenly stop and think “where did the time go?” Why are we, the creators, taking advice from people too afraid to follow their own dreams. That is, after all, who that little voice in our heads is made up of. So, why in the hell (pardon my language) are we listening to it? Why am I listening to it?

Wow, I just started writing, and this little rant started coming out of me, but I’m just so PASSIONATE about this topic. PLEASE, let me know what you think about what I’m saying in the comments below. I would love to know what you think!

I was reading “Exercise for Mood and Anxiety” and I came upon a very interesting section on how to combat this type of negative thinking. The authors (Michael W. Otto and A.J. Smits) came up with three strategies that I would like to share with you now.

1. Marvel at your Thoughts

• listen to what you are actually saying to yourself, and then step back and dissect your thought process. Take apart the wording you used, and ask yourself why you said this to yourself. Try be interested in how your inner critic operates.
• Here is a good question that was posed by the authors: “What is a more accurate description that better captures the richness of what just happened?”

2. Self-Coach

• Don’t be the kind of coach that puts its player down when they make a mistake, be the kind of coach that patiently speaks with their player and discusses what went wrong and how they are going to go about fixing it.
• Don’t guilt yourself when you don’t behave the way you intended to behave. I did this recently: I slept in and missed my workout and as I got out of bed, showered, and ate my breakfast I beat myself stupid with phrases like “you’re lazy” “you’re undisciplined” “how can you ever expect to be an actor if you don’t even have the will power to get out of bed?” Looking back now, I can really appreciate how debilitating and not helpful this talk was. Then why do we do it? I think because we all have a little sadist inside of us who likes to feel terrible, but wouldn’t it be so much better to feel awesome all of the time.

I think one of the greatest challenges I face in allowing myself to be happy, is letting go of the need to be unhappy.

• So, getting back on topic. When you make a mistake, give yourself a second to acknowledge the mistake, and then talk through the incident with yourself with a non aggressive voice. Be understanding to you, and then decide on some steps you can take the next time you’re in a similar situation so that it is less likely to happen and again.

3. Define the Problem First, and then think of ways to Solve it

• We so often try to solve a problem before we even know what the problem is.
• Try writing out a problem that you face, and then ask yourself 3 times “what bothers me about this?”
• When it comes time to come up with a solution to that problem, try to come up with as many as you can. You’ll be surprised at how creative you can become.

A problem I face is that my voice is weaker than I’d like it to be. What bothers me about this? Well, I feel that it makes me sound uncertain and not confident. I don’t like that I sound like a little girl. I don’t like that I lose control over it when I get nervous and/or excited. Ok, so what am I going to do about it? Well, I’ve already committed to daily voice work and daily breathing. I’ve also committed to deep breathing throughout the day, and to consciously being aware of times I revert to my old voice and then allowing myself a moment to take a deep breath and discover my full voice again.

Did you find any of these tips helpful? Check out the book that’s responsible for the majority of this information… but not the top bit, that’s mine 🙂
Exercise for Mood and Anxiety: Proven Strategies for Overcoming Depression and Enhancing Well-Being

Try out some of these strategies, and tell me about the results. I’m going to be doing the same thing.