This is a difficult question to answer. When you look in the mirror what words come to mind? Today, I had to watch myself on the monitor for my audition class, and the thoughts that came to mind were: “unruly hair,” “small eyes,” “small mouth” “imperfect skin” “big nose” “trying too hard” “anxious.” Harsh? Definitely! But in my defense, it’s really hard to look at yourself sometimes, hear what you actually sound like (although I’m much happier with my voice than I used to be), and see all of your unconscious nervous ticks. Many of the things I was unhappy with, had to do with tension in my face. I wasn’t relaxed at all, and that definitely translated onto the camera. In regard to this opening paragraph, I think there are a few things that need to be discussed today. First off, I have decided to incorporate some mindfulness practice, and some affirmation practice into my daily routine. This will help with relaxation, and my ability to function at my best in the moment (although I have definitely improved in terms of mindfulness through informal practice – or just being aware of appreciating every moment throughout my day). A formal mindfulness practice would include 10-15 minutes a day of sitting somewhere and focusing on my breathing, smells, my emotions, or my racing thoughts. Not only will this practice help to ground me, but it will also help me to get to know myself better.

“All problems are fixed with intention” – that’s what one of my acting coaches said, and it’s completely true. If in my audition I understood the story completely, understood what I wanted, the tactics my character would use to get what she wanted, and her thought process – I would have nailed it no problem. The performance would have been truthful, and that’s the only right there is when it comes to acting. However, getting to that level requires that I put in more work than I honestly put in last night. I wasn’t in the scene, so my mind was elsewhere. I wasn’t living in the moment, so of course when I looked at the screen all I saw was the exterior. That’s all that there was in my performance. Nothing was going on internally for me, except for a pressing desire to get it right. On Monday, I really connected with the text and it was a completely different story. I understood the character, and I was much more confident in what I was doing as I stood in front of the camera.

So lets get back to what I said about my appearance. What was that about? To change this negative thinking, I need to do a major paradigm shift and change the focus of my attention towards what makes me beautiful. Who cares about the imperfections, especially when there’s nothing you can do, short of plastic surgery, to change those imperfections. Weaknesses you can go after, but imperfections you must learn to love as they are a large part of what makes you who you are. So, I’m going to follow the advice of one of my classmates. Every morning when I wake up, I will force myself to look in the mirror and tell myself what I love about myself. You have to believe that you’re beautiful. This is just so important.

Do you believe that you’re beautiful? If the answer is no, maybe you should do this exercise with me. Also try recognizing the beauty in other people. If you pick other people apart, you’re of course going to do the same to yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated… that’s the “golden rule” my mom taught me as I was growing up, and it’s so true.

Getting back to the topic for this week (being aware of where you spend your time), I’m going to do a quick recap of the past 3 days. I guess I was sort of worried about posting my day for you, because I wanted to try and tell you something interesting and thought provoking – whatever that means. I think listing off what I do in a day is sort of boring. That’s why I wanted to try to supplement my post with something else. Anyway, today I had to spend 4.5 hours doing a quadrant 1 activity (something that is urgent and important), and that is my hourly job. I’m there again tomorrow. Wednesday I went to see a play (which is very much quadrant II – not urgent but important), and Thursday I went to a goal setting group for actors which lasted about 2 hour. The rest of my time was spent preparing for my audition, going grocery shopping, and chatting with my boyfriend and a close friend. If nothing else, this week has taught me the importance of incorporating balance into my life. It really is so crucial to a healthy lifestyle.

Balance. Beauty. Love.

There’s so much about life I don’t understand, but man am definitely hungry to try an understand it. Also, I have decided to add an additional section to this blog. An interview section. I’m going to go around, and find stories about outside stories of positivity related success. I’m going to try and get two interviews a month. I’m very excited about this section, and I’m especially excited about the first segment of thus series. You’ll have to stay tuned to find out what it is.