Who am I? That’s a question I’ve really had to think about these past couple of weeks as I begin submitting to agencies in Vancouver. When I get my headshots taken and when I conduct those meeting, I need to know what I’m selling. So, why am I a product that an agent would want to take a chance on? Ugh, it’s such a hard question. When someone asks me “why do you want to be an actor?” I freeze – not because I don’t know the answer, but because I’m afraid that my answer will be too generic, and that the agent (or whoever) has probably heard that same answer a hundred million times before.

I’m going to take a go at answering that question on here now. So, let’s see what flows out of me.

Why do you want to be an actor?

Well, growing up I was a painfully shy, albeit perceptive, young girl. I rarely spoke out loud, and so my classmates would try to provoke me into saying something (anything) – just to prove that I actually did possess vocal cords. It was a dark and confusing period in my life. I felt as though I were trapped inside a box. From inside this box, I could look out on the world as an observer(as one might watch a film or a television show), but I felt incapable of contributing to what was going on around me in any significant way.

Then we had our grade 6 Christmas concert, and one of my teachers was looking for actors to be in the show. There were no auditions, and my teacher casted the show based on his in-class perception of each of the students who submitted themselves. I was cast in the roll of a present (as in, I wore a big box around my body and danced around with two other students as a Christmas gift). During rehearsals I watched the girl cast as the lead… brimming with jealousy. What did she have that I didn’t have? I can do that! I thought to myself indignantly. Looking back, I think what I was recognizing was the true me that was trapped inside of the shy external shell that I had created. I also now know that jealousy informs us of what we really want. At 12 years old, I felt the twang the artist experiences when he/she acknowledges that burning need to create.
I joined the drama club in middle school, but again was cast as secondary characters in both plays I participated in. I was just too shy. It wasn’t until my third year of university that I got my first lead in a play. I played the Italian painter Artemisia Gentileschi, and from that point forward there really wasn’t any going back.

I loved being on stage, and I loved sinking my teeth into a juicy piece of writing. I am also absolutely fascinated with psychology: how the brain works, how behavior develops, what a personality even means. People and the way they behave is so interesting, and I want to understand it, and comment on it in an artistic way.

I want to be an actor because I want to tell stories.

I want to be an actor, because I want to understand the human condition

And yesterday (at my Actor’s Goal Setting Group) I realized that I want to be an actor because I want to inspire young girls and boys, and prove to them that they have a right to be heard. I want to be the voice of the shy and reserved kid, who not only found her voice, but who also discovered the ability to love and be loved by other people.

I have a ways to go yet,  but those three statements really sum up the answer for me. Now, when I go in to see an agent, I know exactly what I’ll say when they ask me that question.

Try this exercise yourself, and see what you learn.

Also, going back to the exercise from yesterday. I chose 3 objects: orange nail polish, a five dollar bill, and a red rose.
The only one I truly feel like I manifested was the orange nail polish. Greg reminded me that with this exercise, I need to think about my objects and then just let it go to the universe. You can’t be actively looking for these objects, you just need to let them show up.
Well, at work I was getting this girl to fill out a tanning waiver. I looked down at the form to see how far along in the waiver she was, and I saw her nail polish. It was the exact color that I had pictured when I closed my eyes. It’s small, yes, but it gave me chills. I didn’t even have time in the morning to do the exercise properly, and I still attracted something into my life. I’m going to commit, tomorrow, to really visualizing 3 new objects before I leave the door. I report back again tomorrow on the results.

Also, tomorrow I’m going to try answering more questions like the one I just answered, just because this was such a rewarding experience. I feel as though there is still so much I have to learn about myself.