Over the past few days, basically since Thursday last week, I have been in a weird space. I realize that I have started blog posts by saying this before, but this time I mean something entirely different. I feel really and un-apologetically happy. I don’t feel overwhelmed, stressed, scared, or insecure. Instead, I feel remarkably confident, self-assured, and excited about everything that life has in store for me. Over the last few days, I have slowly begun to realize/acknowledge my potential AND (here’s the big thing) I’m not scared of it. 

Why would I be scared of my own potential? Well, why wouldn’t I be? Why wouldn’t anyone be for that matter! By acknowledging your potential, and making a conscience decision to explore the possibility that your most wild and “unrealistic” (you can’t know how much I love this word) dreams could become reality, you are saying that you are okay with letting go of your past. Now that you’re a blank canvas that can be anything he/she wants to be you must be prepared for some of the following to occur:

1. Failure

You are going to fail. There is no getting around this. The only thing you can control is how you respond to your failures. Don’t lock yourself up in your room and cry about how you made a mistake, embarrassed yourself, or didn’t get what you wanted. Instead, step back from the situation and try to look at what happened with the eyes of an observer… and then learn from it. By constantly trying to be perfect, you are blocking yourself off from so many opportunities to grow as a person. I have said no to many things in my life because I was afraid to be bad at it. I mean, I said no to team sports when I was in high school because I was afraid of being the “weakest link” on the team. Don’t do that. Get excited when you try something and fail, because now you have pinpointed an area in your life where you have the opportunity to grow and evolve. By being afraid of failure, you are not embracing the possibility of change.

2. To leave the life you know behind. 

As you progress on your journey, you are not going to be able to take everyone in your life with you. I really believe that every individual operates moment to moment on their own vibration/frequency. We exude a very specific energy, and we attract people into our lives who are living in the same frequency as us. This is going to influence who you interact with on a daily basis, and as the people you routinely speak to changes, you too will change and improve. The people I currently attract into my life are inspiring, motivated, artistic, and dedicated individuals – and so they of course enhance those same characteristics in me.  Alternatively, you will see people from your “past life” who have not gone in the same direction of you, and you will may suddenly begin to feel like you no longer belong. That’s the other thing, once you start moving forward there is no turning back. When I say this, I don’t mean anything against those people. Everyone is on their own separate journey’s, and it is completely okay for the paths of two people to veer off in different directions. I urge you to not be afraid of these changes.

3. Success 

(In complete contrast to my first point) you must be open to the possibility that you could succeed. Actually, take away that “could”: you will succeed. Try incorporating the following phrase into your internal dialogue, and see if your response to failure changes: “hey look… I failed. Well, that’s okay because I know that eventually I will succeed.” Know it, own it, and don’t be afraid of it. With success comes a lot of responsibility. As a successful actress, millions of dollars, and thousands of people (fans and critics included) will be relying on me to perform and meet and/or exceed their expectations. I know this and I can not allow myself to be afraid. Look at success as something that’s exciting, because with success comes growth. My favorite quote, is one by Oprah Winfrey:

“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be”

In class today, we did an exercise where we were asked to speak about a random topic in front of all 11 of our classmates, while our colleagues whooped and hollered demanding our eye contact. I’m not getting into all of the details of what this exercise involved, because it’s not relevant to what I’m about to say. As person after person went up, I stayed in the moment and did not worry about the fact that it would be my turn eventually. When my instructor finally did call my name, I thought to myself “everyone in this room is interested in what I have to say.” Then I took my position, and I did the exercise without feeling any anxiety, panic, or discomfort.

When I sat down, I began to feel really weird. Why wasn’t I driven into a panic by this exercise? The Christine from 6 months ago would have been close to tears, swallowing her voice, and begging for the 2 minutes she had to stand up there to be over. I experienced none of these things, in fact I actually really enjoyed the experience. When I related this experience to my instructor, I could feel tears beginning to well up behind my eyes. The way that I identify myself, the things that scare me or make me nervous, and the way I deal with an uncomfortable situation are all changing. This, by the way, is what I define is a HUGE success.

So, if I’m not this person who I used to be, who am I? What an interesting question I’ve stumbled upon. I will explore this question further in my next post.

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One final thing. The purpose of this blog is to document the real growth of a real person. That real person is me, Christine Bissonnette. Sometimes I go through low moments, and I think it would be unfair if I didn’t document and discuss those moments when I’m not at my best. Times when I am feeling scared, anxious, or uncertain are just as important as the times when I am feeling confident, self-assured, and happy (like today). It is in these low moments that I (and everyone) experience the most amount of growth in my life. By acknowledging and dealing with my feelings I have evolved so much over the last 6 months, and I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers for accompanying and supporting me on this amazing journey.

Thank you.