Have you ever caught yourself shrinking your neck down, raising your shoulders, and looking innocently up in a cutesy “don’t look at me” kind of way? Have you ever shrugged something off with a laugh or a cheeky remark. I’ve been guilty of this on more than one occasion. I do it when I’m in a situation where I believe I’m required to be shy (I’ll get back to this later), when I need to speak or perform in front of a group of people, when I want to introduce myself and/or tell my story to a group of people, when I ask someone if they could do something for me, when I do something wrong, when I do something right, when I’m paid a compliment, when I’m insulted… I mean the list could go on. If you understand the look I’m talking about, I’m sure that you could add to this list.

So, why do we do it? I’ve been mulling this question over in my mind for the last few days, and here is my best answer. We do it to avoid responsibility for our presence in the world. Think about it. I’m walking down the hall, and one of my coaches stops me and says “great job in class today.” Instead of keeping my head up, smiling appreciatively, and genuinely thanking my coach for the compliment, I curled my head and shoulders into a tight little ball, timidly smiled (as though I had something to be ashamed of), and forced out a muffled “thanks.” Which response do you think leaves a better impression? The first suggests a person who is secure and proud of themselves and their work – someone you could rely on, who is confident in their abilities, and who sees themselves as an equal to their colleagues, instructors, friends, and strangers working in that field or not. The latter example seems to portray a person who is reliant on others, doesn’t believe in themselves, is insecure, uncertain, and maybe even a little bit awkward.

Even if this second description doesn’t define who you believe yourself to be, maybe you (just like me) fall into that behavior because you are afraid of being the first person. Once you go forward, you can never go back. I believe that we apologize with these mannerisms because we are afraid that we can’t live up to the person we believe we have the potential to be. Instead of trying, we stay in that fear because it’s comfortable. What you don’t know can’t hurt you. Maybe you’ll disappoint yourself?

I remember getting a math test back when I was in grade 10. I received a good grade, but the girl sitting beside me had just barely passed. I remember her looking to her friend and laughing at the mark, and then saying matter-of-factly “you know, if I tried I would be a straight A student.” It can be so comfortable to live in this “if,” because by living in the unknown nothing can hurt you. By not trying, you have the comfort of knowing that an “if” exists, but when you put yourself out there and really and sincerely go after something that “if” is gone. Now you know for sure, and that is scary as hell… but amazing at the same time. Isn’t it?

Living in the unknown is not living, it’s preparing to live. It’s waiting. It’s worse than living in the past or the future. Stop waiting, and wake up. Embrace the unknown. Take chances, make mistakes, and be prepared to surprise yourself with how amazing you truly are.