I completed my second spin class an as instructor today, and it went incredibly well!! The success of the class has made me really start to think about fear.

When I was first offered the opportunity to teach the class I was consumed by this emotion. My day leading up to my first spin class is a blur of nerves and insecurities as I ruminated on what was to come. I obsessively looked over my notes prior to teaching, and desperately attempted to fight away negative self-talk that called me a fraud and unworthy. When I finally sat in the instructor’s chair, I tried my best to act confident and told myself “no matter what happens, just keep going.” There was a moment in the third song where I was seriously tempted to just run away, and apologize for being inadequate and inexperienced (both falsities that, in my state, I had convinced myself were true). I ignored this impulse, and told myself to keep going. I did, and as we neared the middle of the routine I actually started to loosen up a little bit and have some fun. When I returned home that night I was in a weird state. The people in my class told me that I had done a great job, but I still felt insecure.

The next day I received an e-mail from the club, offering me a job as a permanent spinning instructor at their club. I was offered the Thursday class… my very own spinning class. My stomach dropped, and I did not respond to this e-mail for an entire day. I didn’t know what to say. Teach spinning EVERY Thursday? But I barely knew what I was doing. I almost turned down the offer, but after talking to my friends, boyfriend, and colleagues I decided to take a risk and accept the job. I pressed send, and knew I couldn’t go back.

Today’s spin class went better than I could ever have hoped. What did I do to change this experience? Well, since teaching that first spin class I have attended two more spin classes by different instructors where I documented into my mind detailed notes on how to properly choreograph a song and motivate a class. With this information I returned to my playlist, and re-worked my routine so that I would be all ready for my own upcoming class. That’s what I physically did, but I think that it’s what I mentally did that led to my success. As I moved through my day today, I focused on staying in the present, and avoided dwelling (either positively or negatively) on the hour where I would step into the role of instructor. During my commute over to the gym, instead of being consumed with fear I became consumed with excited. I couldn’t wait to get there. Upon my arrival, I gave myself permission to just be myself. I used my full voice when speaking to the participants in my class, and was candid and honest in my interactions with everyone I met. I started the class by honestly saying this was only my second class as an instructor, so if you have any feedback I am very interested in hearing it at the end of class. As class began I felt confident and self-assured. I knew what I was doing, and guess what? I’m really good at it.

In the elevator in my apartment building, the girl standing next to me asked me where I was coming from (probably picking up on my elated state). I said I had just returned from the gym. “Oh” she said “you don’t use the gym in our building.” “No” I said “I’m a spin instructor, I just finished teaching a class.” I can’t explain how much of a paradigm shift I’ve undergone to get to this point. I felt comfortable in my pride. I have attracted this new reality into my life, and it fits just right.

The shift I am talking about in this post directly relates to my career as an actor. I have been so afraid to take the next step in my career and submit to agencies so that I can begin auditioning as a professional in my field. The whole idea of seeing casting directors feels scary to me, and I have been very apprehensive to take the next step and put myself in this perceived danger. What the above experience has taught me is that just because it’s uncomfortable in the beginning, doesn’t mean it’s going to be uncomfortable and scary forever. It truly doesn’t take a long time for your mind to adjust, and accept new data as “normal” and “comfortable.” Also, it will always be scary if you continue to avoid that which you’re afraid of. The only way to grow, both in your profession and as a person, is to seek out those things which scare you most, and challenge yourself to take a risk and go for it despite your fear.

So, after returning from my spin class today and watching an episode of Modern Family, I sat my butt down in front of my computer and finally finished writing the three cover letters I have been working on for the three agencies I will be submitting to by Tuesday next week.

Cheers, and keep fighting for your dream. Hard work does pay off.