The Universe works in mysterious ways. It is February 1st, meaning that my countdown (for making $7,000 in one month) officially expired today. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this just wasn’t going to work out. Obviously. I don’t have an agent, and I have yet to book a professional acting job.
So, imagine my surprise when I logged on to my online banking account and saw this:
Current Balance: $7,005.02…. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Okay, I apologize… I never swear on this blog, but I just about nearly pissed myself when my eyes focused on this number. Where did it come from? Well, I didn’t make it. The truth is my student loan for school just so happened to FINALLY (I’ve been waiting for it for awhile) come in yesterday. The total for the student loan: $5,460. So, in order to get to $7,000Â I needed to already have $1,540 in my account. They haven’t taken rent out yet, so that is almost exactly (+$5) what I had. OH MY GOD!!! Honestly, what are the chances? They seem pretty slim to me.
Do you think that the universe is maybe trying to tell me something? This stuff works!!! It has never been so clear to me, AND I didn’t put nearly the amount of attention towards my goal that I should have. What would happen if I really meditated in front of my goals EVERY DAY! If something like this can happen from only looking (let’s be honest… glancing) at my goal every day, would would happen if I actually put energy into it. What would happen for you??? TRY IT!!!
I’m trying to write a literate blog post, but I’m having a little bit of trouble. Every thing I thought I knew about the world has sort of been blasted right now. I thought I believed in the law of attraction… but I didn’t, not really. I didn’t think that it could do something like this. I didn’t think it had this sort of power, and regardless of everything that I write on this blog, I didn’t think that it could work for me… BUT IT HAS!!
It also couldn’t have come at a better time, or on a better day. Not only is the law of attraction working, but so is the Artist’s Way. I am discovering my authentic self. I am becoming less and less afraid of voicing my opinions in the outside world. In class today, during a discussion on how to define good art (a discussion headed by the always brilliant Kelly-Ruth Mercier), I suddenly became possessed by a passion that over took my body and came spilling out of my being… utilizing a voice that I didn’t realize that I had until that moment. THIS is what I believe! I believe in something! I don’t know why this is weird for me to say, but I feel as though I have buried my opinions and feelings for so long, that suddenly sitting up and speaking this passionately about something that was meaningful to me sort of felt like a shock to the system. I suddenly felt like I understood who I was. These past months I have been so in my head, trying to intellectualize everything, including my identity… I obviously got no where with this and was growing more and more confused with every passing day. Isn’t it fitting then, that the truth of who I am come out when I am not in my head at all, but operating from somewhere in the depth of my soul.
I AM AN ARTIST!!!
What is it that I believe? I believe that within every artist there is a soul that yearns to create. It is then your duty to work with your physical instrument (your body) until you can reach a point of mastery that will allow your muses’ power to swell out of you in the most effective of ways. It is only through your dedication to your craft that you can enter into that mystical place of creation. That place where you lose yourself so completely in your work, that when you step out your memory feels foggy… but then you look at the footage, at the canvas, at the page and you think to yourself… wow! I did that? Yes, you did. You were possessed by the muse who only visits the most capable and the dedicated of artist’s. True art comes from the authentic, the open, and the brave.
That’s what I believe and WOOOO! Does that ever feel great to say. Wow. I don’t know about you, but I am going to have a hard time sleeping tonight!
That is awesome! It’s the days like this that help us when most when we are depleted. I am glad The Artist Way is working for you. I am starting to notice a difference in myself too!
What sort of differences are you noticing? I feel like I really need to allow myself to really let go, and then things will start happening for me a lot faster. I guess I can be a bit of an impatient person sometimes.
I understand that. Never ask for patience! I feel like I am letting some of my inhibitions go as I figure stuff out. I have also learned that every journey is different and there is no wrong way about it. You do what you feel you need most at that time.
Exactly! Every journey is different. A couple of weeks ago I felt myself getting discouraged as I read about the beginnings of the career of Jessica Chastain. I realized that my journey was nothing like hers, and I started putting myself down because I worried that I could never be like her. I had to step back and slap myself in the face and say “stop it. You’re not Jessica, you are Christine! and this is YOUR journey, not hers.”
The War of Art
What keeps so many of us from doing what we long to do? Why is there a naysayer within? How can we avoid the roadblocks of any creative endeavor—be it starting up a dream business venture, writing a novel, or painting a masterpiece? The War of Art identifies the enemy that every one of us must face, outlines a battle plan to conquer this internal foe, then pinpoints just how to achieve the greatest success.
http://www.stevenpressfield.com/books/
I have read this book! It’s already on my bookshelf. Thank you for the suggestion.
Hi Christine,
I’ve only recently been reading your posts since seeing a recommendation from a fellow actress here in London, England. I was drawn to your blog because I did The Artists Way over 10 years ago, returning to it once afterwards in the subsequent years and have also read and done the tasks in J.C’s other books, especially Walking in This World (which I heartily recommend). For the last couple of years, I’ve felt as if I’ve strayed from the Positivity path so to speak. I’ve stressed over how to make a living as an actress, moving house, money and the future of artists in a world which doesn’t seem to appreciate them! Little by little, I’ve come to realise that, whilst I’d always thought of myself as a positive person, I had in fact stopped being able to visualise being a successful actress, well regarded by my peers. Even my morning pages, which I’d kept up for years had dwindled and I suppose at some point towards the end of last year, after quite a few disappointing events in my life, I slowly began to recognise that I had, in fact become quite negative in my thoughts without even really realising it. So, I made a determined effort to reconnect with my spirituality and positivity at the start of 2013. I firmly believe that I came across your blog because I was seeking to reconnect with a more positive me! Reading your blog has reminded me of how I felt doing TAW; that all those affirmations and positive visualisations including tools like Artist Dates and Vision Boards, really do work. I remember when I got to week 4 of TAW and was struck by the major synchronicity at work and how I could see that the Universe was trying to help me and how everything flowed and the work seemed easy because I was aligning with my true artist self. And it was incredibly exciting. So I guess I just wanted to say Thank You; for doing this blog, for reminding me of the power of positivity, and for inspiring me to get back on track with how I view my self and my abilities.
I don’t know if I can express to your how big a smile your comment put on my face. I read it first thing yesterday morning, and it put a positive spin on my entire day. I wonder if it’s Kate Holderness’s blog that you read?
Thank you for the book recommendation. I’m really enjoying “The Artist’s Way” so I will probably continue with the other 2 after I’m finished with this one.
I am thrilled that my writing reminded you of your own voice! When I first started writing this blog, I felt really alone and isolated and different from everyone else. It’s crazy how writing this blog has made me realize how not alone I actually am, and how similar my insecurities and frustrations are to those of others. It’s pretty neat. Especially to think that my writing has helped me to connect with someone half way across the world from me. It’s such a small word isn’t it?
I hope that you do the artist’s way again!
Thank you so much for this comment!!!
Hi again Christine,
That seems to be the great thing about positivity – when you give it out you attract it right back and that in turn gives it even more power to affect other people around you (the same came be said of negativity I guess). So you’ve started a wonderful thing with your blog and you’re definitely NOT alone in struggling to find your artistic voice in this industry and in battling insecurities and those negative parrots on the shoulder (which I think Julia deals with in a later chapter). I shall definitely be doing TAW again in the near future but already I feel like I’m vicariously rediscovering her wonderful tasks and insights through you! So in terms of putting smiles on faces etc…right back at ya!Yes it was Kate Holderness’s blog that led me to you but interestingly, since deciding that 2013 was the year I was going to re-connect to my more positive self and change my current circumstances for the better, I found a fantastic (free!) sahaj joga meditation class which I’ve started attending on a regular basis; I’m listening to an audiobook – a Christmas present from a friend which turned out to be Jack Canfield’s “The Principles of Success” (which is very uplifting and insightful) and now I’ve also discovered your blog! So already the creative universe is helping me. I’ll be recommending your blog to various actor-friends I know so keep up the good work!
That is so cool! I love synchronicity. Have you thought about writing your own blog? Thank you so much for recommending my blog to your friends, I will definitely be keeping this up. I love writing. It helps me to sift through my thoughts.
Please stay in touch!!
This is how it works. The HOW is the trickiest piece because we’re so adamant that we MUST know how, we have the best or most likely plan, when, in fact, there could be something far simpler already in the works if you just get out of the way.
I don’t like getting out of the way, though… I’m a brat. Working on it. 🙂
I don’t like getting out the way either Caitlin!! I’m a lists and plans type of person. I love making detailed plans of exactly how my day is going to look. This is good, but then I don’t leave any room for spontaneity. Of course the universe would work against our types.. hah. As I’ve heard again and again: “you just have to “let go.”