“In order to thrive as artists – and, one could argue, as people – we need to be available to the universal flow. When we put a stopper on our capacity for joy by anorectically declining the small gifts of life, we turns aside the larger gifts as well… What gives us true joy?”

(The Artist’s Way)

This is a tough question for me to answer. I spend a significant portion of my time working, and the rest of it beating myself up for not working. With the amount that I want to accomplish in my life, there hardly feels like there’s time to take a break… but then I don’t really want one. I get immense pleasure from writing my blog posts, from reading, and from doing “work” related activities. I love to learn, and I love to challenge myself. Almost everything that I do is in alignment with my passion, so of course I enjoy it. At the same time, I know that I need to make time for the people in my life. I can get so wrapped up in my own reality, that I forget that I’m not alone in this, and that it’s okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s a necessary part of the process. Not only is it okay to ask for help, but it’s okay to want and need friends.

Although I was a member of a core group of people in junior high and high school, my self-esteem was so low that I never understood what they saw in me, and so I regarded their interactions with me as a favour for which I needed to consistently express gratitude. Thank you for being my friend. I didn’t think that I had anything to offer. I didn’t understand the impact in the world that I had the power to make. Perhaps these beliefs led some to believe that I was self-centred… and they’d be right. I have always focused all of my energy inward, but maybe the next step of my growth is a shift to a more outward focused energy. Okay, that’s great. The intellectual inside of me is clapping her hands, and patting me on the back. Good for you Christine. You figured this out. Yay! Now what are you going to do about it. Here’s where I’m stumped.

How do I force the introverted, always pondering and thinking, Christine out of her head? It looks like what’s up next for me is a game of cat and mouse.

The habit that I’m specifically going to work on this week is my introversion habit.

For the next 2 days (I may expand this – I’ll see how I’m feeling by Friday night) I’m going to record every judgemental thought, every decision to disengage, and every self-defeating assertion in a notebook. Every time I recognize the habit, I’m going to say the following affirmation:

What I do, and how I choose to interact with the world matters. I am here, and I have an obligation to make a difference and to fulfill my life’s goals and dreams.

Have you ever experienced something similar? Try it yourself. I’ll update you on the results Friday night.