“Once we are willing to accept that anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly our options widen. “If I didn’t have to do it perfectly, I would try…”

I am a perfectionist. That is probably one of my biggest weaknesses. When I struggle to do something well right off the bat I get frustrated and often discouraged. I much prefer to concentrate on those things I’m already good at, but I know that success only comes with stretching your boundaries and giving yourself permission to fall once or twice or 100 times (when you think of writers like Kathryn Stocket who’s book (The Help) was rejected by 60 literary agents, maybe this isn’t such an exaggeration). Persistence is key, but you can only call it persistence if your effort is actively focused on improving yourself. Doing the same thing over and again is a type of persistence… but it really has more to do with insanity (Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results – Albert Einstein).

When it comes to acting, my weaknesses are:

1. Voice- although it is significantly stronger than it was a year ago, it still needs to be much stronger if I hope to have the flexibility to play the roles that I really want to play. Accents and dialects go along with this weakness. It’s not that I’m necessarily bad at these, it’s just that I haven’t worked on them yet.
2. Memorization – I’ve gotten a lot better at this, but (especially on a tv show) I will be required to get “off book”  (that’s actor lingo for getting all of your lines memorized and not needing to have the script in front of you) much quicker than I am currently capable of doing.
3. Letting Go – Even during performances I have a tendency to stay in rehearsal mode. I know the beats that are supposed to occur in my performance, and I struggle to allow for these beats to occur naturally – acknowledging that I have put the work in, and if I could only have faith in my self everything would be fine.
4. My mind. The audition yesterday taught me that I need to get a better handle on my inner world. This means creating a safe internal space to which I can disappear in the moments leading up to an audition. I need to develop a system for calming my automatic stress response, and getting my mind to a state that is ready to work. This will require visualization, putting myself in the audition room (in my imagination) and then calming myself down.
5. My Emotional Core. Accessing my emotions (sadness, anger) is probably my biggest pit fall, and it is directly related to number 3. If I can work on that skill, I believe that this one will become easier by association.

While I must acknowledge these weaknesses (and now that I’ve named them, I must work to turn these “weaknesses” into strengths), noticing my strengths are also important.

I am very good at text analysis. I have a strong attention span, and can stay focused on a task for several hours without distractions. I have a strong and active imagination, and (I believe) a bravery when it comes to my work (this last is something that I have had to work on) that allows me to really play in the rehearsal space.

I am currently reading a book called “Mind Gym: An athletes guide to inner excellence” by Gary Mack and David Casstevens. Although it specifically focuses on pro athletes, it relates to many other fields as well, especially acting. This call to action came from this book:

“Remember, your mind is like a parachute. It only works when it’s open. What did you learn today and how will it make you better tomorrow? Work on your weaknesses until they become your strong points”

I am most comfortable when I am at my computer working with something “solid.” Writing, text analysis, back stories – all of this is easy and safe to me. It’s when I start to get up on my feet that my weaknesses begin to rear their ugly heads – but are they really so ugly? I’m not going to say that “my weaknesses make me who I am” because that’s cementing them with my identity. Rather, weaknesses present an opportunity for growth, and although I hate to fail, I relish any opportunity to learn and to grow as a person.

“If I didn’t have to do it perfectly I would try…”

Answer this question yourself from “The Artist’s Way” yourself.

Some of my answers were

1. Tennis

2. A British Accent

3. Writing a novel

4. Submitting my poetry to literary magazines

5. Sing

What did you come up with?