As an actor, I have done quite a bit of research on personalities (I even took a course on personality psychology in university). Part of this research has involved psycho-analyzing myself. Who am I? and why do I do the things that I do? This is probably why I ended up getting so strung up on issues of identity, and consequently was having some difficulty living in the present. “I’m this way because of this” was a phrase that regularly passed through my mind. I constantly found myself around people with BIG personalities, so big that I weirdly worried that I didn’t have one. It’s a weirdly irrational fear… but I was afraid that I didn’t have a personality. This fear of being faceless led to a preoccupation with creating a personality, which led to a very in-her-head individual who couldn’t figure out how to relate or how to just “be.”
When creating a character they tell you to do all of this work on back story, relationships, etc… but then when it comes time to perform they (your coaches) tell you to forget all of it and just trust what’s underneath. Know don’t show. Your character needs to be able to live moment to moment and just be. They can’t do that if you (the actor) are thinking about the back story and what comes next. Noticing some parallels? You can’t be free to be your true and authentic self if you’re constantly thinking about who you are and what comes next. I know you’ve probably heard it a million times, but it really does come back to being present. Annoyingly simple as that it is.
This leads me to another one of the exercises from “the artist’s way.” Julia Cameron asks you to list 20 things that you enjoy doing and then answer the following questions about each activity:
- Is the activity free or does it cost money?
- Do you do it alone or with others?
- Is it related to your profession? Yes or No?
- Does it pose a physical risk? Yes or No?
- Is it slow or fast paced?
- Is it related to the mind, body or soul?
Once you’ve filled this out for each activity, you’ll have a pretty good idea of which way you lean.
What are my tendencies? Doing this exercise made me realize that I tend to prefer activities that are free, that I can do alone, that are related to my profession, that don’t pose a physical risk, that are slow paced, and that are related to the mind.
This information is not based on the past or future “idea” of who you are. This is just you. Find those 25 activities quickly without much thought. What does your instinctual self want to say. Remember you are not your mind.
So glad you’re doing the Artist’s way too! I think this post is so spot-on regarding the human experience; who doesn’t have problems living in the moment?!
Where are you in the Artist’s Way? I’m really enjoying the process. I’m just finishing up week 8 and getting ready to jump into week 9 with full force. I’m constantly having to remind myself “just be here.” It’s strange that it’s such a battle.