I’ve reached the end of yet another week for “The Artist’s Way. Here is my check-in:

How many days this week did you do your morning pages? (Have you been very tempted to abandon them?) How was the experience for you?

I fell off the wagon a little bit these last two weeks went it came to morning pages. I was definitely resisting. I had been on a streak, and accidentally missed a day. I was angry at myself, and ended up missing 5 more days because I didn’t want to start again. Sometimes all it takes is one day to ruin a habit. Anyway, four days ago I said to myself “enough is enough” and now I’m back on track. Sometimes I feel as though I’m writing them for the sake of writing them, but occasionally something interesting will come out that I wasn’t expecting. I definitely see their value.

Did you do your artist’s date this week? (Have you been allowing workaholism or other commitments to sabotage this practice?) What did you do? How did it feel?

Despite my workaholism, I did do my artist’s date this week. I went to a 1 1/2 hour introductory ballet class. It was really difficult. The perfectionist in me wanted to be good, and felt competitive and consequently discouraged as she watched the other girls in the class. Then the rational side of me cut in and reminded my perfectionist that this is the first ballet class she has ever taken, and that she was doing it for the experience and that is all. Once I let go of the need to be perfect, I ended up having quite a bit of fun. I also have an increased respect for the dance style. Some of the things the instructor was doing with his feet… I don’t even understand how that is possible. Spending time with my body vs my mind is a practice that I think I need to devote more energy towards. It was an exceedingly valuable experience for me.

Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?

I did. On my way to an audition I experienced some crazy synchronicity. You can read about it by clicking here: An impossible audition.

Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.

So far, I think that this has been one of my favourite weeks. This week Julia forced me to really think about my goals, and about what I want my life to look like. She asked me to construct an ideal day in my life right now. Today (minus having to work at the club at 5pm) I am living that day. I was up at 7:30am, went grocery shopping, cooked myself a delicious breakfast, wrote my morning pages, went to a dance class, had some excellent conversation with my boyfriend at starbucks, studied for my personal training exam, and wrote in my blog. I never got a chance to work on my one-act play – but that just means I can do that tomorrow. I have been out of full-time school for over a week now, and I’m feeling pretty good about where I am. I’m learning to appreciate and enjoy the journey, and not focus so obsessively on the destination. While goal setting is important, and you should have an idea of where you want to go – recognizing that change can only happen in the now is important. I’m finally beginning to appreciate this fact. I’ve also become more active in my efforts. More than ever before, I feel as though my work is actually bringing me somewhere, and that I’m not just busy for the sake of being busy. I’m finally working towards something, and although I’m experiencing lots of resistance I’ve reached a point in my awareness where I can recognize my fear for what it is, and act anyway.

Lastly, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to value yourself. I’ve become very interested in the prospect of writing book reviews. As a writer and as a critic something that I really need to foster and recognize is my opinion. I feel as though my true opinion is shadowed by what I think I should feel based on what others have felt. Rediscovering a sense of strength also has to do with recognizing your individuality, and being okay with being different and going against the grain. Recognizing that you have something to say and that you have a right to be heard means that you also have to find the courage to say what you really think. This will be the challenge in the book reviews that I write. Recognizing my true thoughts and feelings behind the shadow left by others with which I’ve mistakingly identified. The courage to “be.” That’s what it’s all about.