I’ve noticed an interesting parallel between life and insanity.
As 2013 draws to a close, I can feel anxiety starting to build, and the dam that I built to protect myself just isn’t tall enough to keep the anxious energy, fear and doubt from overflowing and consuming me. After a recent breakthrough/breakdown/spiritual awakening (Brene Brown) in my last acting class, I have been locked in a state of resistance. My partner has lovingly pushed and nudged me to move forward, but I have found myself clinging to the railing of my comfortable little home, afraid to let go and face the current.
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
– Norman Vincent Peale
What happens when you let go? What happens when you start believing in yourself, and start believing that you are strong enough to swim. What if you’re wrong? What if you drown?
But then, what if you don’t? And if, instead of jumping in, you stay holding on, won’t you eventually get exhausted and drown anyway? So what’s the difference. Anyone following my metaphor?
Right now I’m on my 7th week of the 9-week program that is Insanity. As I get stronger and stronger it’s becoming increasingly more terrifying to press play day after day. Why? Because the stronger I get, the harder and more efficiently I’m able to work and the more difficult the workouts become.
But, I keep jumping in and pressing play because I’ve realized something: It’s all just for fun.
No one is holding a gun to my head forcing me to do squats. No one is inching me closer and closer to the end of the plank every day that I fail to start writing my novel, or to get an agent. No one is paying any attention to you. All of that pressure is coming from inside. So why do we insist on tying ourselves to the train tracks?
There’s nothing you have to outrun.
I’ve also learned that my imagination is much scarier than reality. That time that you spend avoiding the workout and avoiding life is WAY worse than the experience of just doing it. As I roll out my jump mat, I realize that I’m only scared because I’ve combined every hard exercise into one solid ball of energy. I forget that in life and in exercise you only ever do one thing at a time. A marathon happens one step at a time, not all at once. Nothing happens all at once.
And guess what? If it is indeed too hard, and you’re exhausted… you can stop to refocus and recharge. That’s not against the rules. There’s nothing that says once you let go that you won’t ever find a protruding tree branch to hang on to for support while you catch your breath. And you’re not swimming for your life anyway, so what’s the big deal.
If you fail, you fail. If you win, you win. Whatever. It’s all part of the journey.
Life is fun, and I have finally reached a point where I’m finally ready to let go.
“Some people say I have attitude – maybe I do… but I think you have to. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does – that makes you a winner right there.”
– Venus Williams
Who’s ready to let go with me in 2014?