It terrifies me to write about feminism.

I was so inspired yesterday when I watched Emma Watson’s speech at the UN, but then today I stumbled upon this article about the sexual assault threats that she is now facing for speaking out against female suppression and for equality between the sexes.

I am terrified to write about feminism because I don’t want to seem irrational in my rage, confusion, and fear. Reading that article actually made me cry. I feel desperate and like giving up at the same time. In a recent post I wrote for Creative Life, I asked the question “Am I giving away my power if I post a picture that shows off a more sexual side to who I am?” I received a variety of answers to this question in private messages. Both sides were argued convincingly.

After watching Emma Watson’s speech, I typed her name into the Google Image bar. I was curious about how she portrayed herself through photographs (or perhaps, on occasion, how her publicists had pressured her into portraying herself?). This is my opinion based on what I saw: I think her photos portray a celebration of both the beautiful, sexual and daring sides of who she is, not an enslavement. That’s a loaded word to use, but most of the time I feel enslaved by my sexuality. That need to please and to be desirable is so poisonous — and then there’s the growing trend of people using female sexuality as an attack against the individual.

I’ve started playing around with Instagram. Yesterday I posted this picture (I apologize for the graininess of the photo. My camera is not very good).

After her speech at the UN, a website is now threatening to post nude photos of Emma Watson. Her body is being used as a threat. Because she has explored the more sexual side to who she is through private photography, the argument seems to be that her words don’t mean as much; that she should be taken less seriously; that she is a hypocrite. The photos I found on Google of Emma may be empowering, but even if her intention was to celebrate her beauty, the message of this disgusting site is that she is not the owner of her body — her body and her sexuality can be used against her.

As woman, we’re brought up believing that our worth is dependent on our beauty and youth, but then, so often, when we assert ourselves and fight for our beliefs, those things that once made us “worthy” are immediately used against us. Beauty undermines intelligence. You can’t have both. That’s the message isn’t it? You have to choose… but you lose no matter what. So, how can I understand my place in a world like this?

If I post a picture like the one I just shared above, what does that do to my image? Paired with this blog post, does this photo immediately turn me into a hypocrite? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. All I know is that something needs to change.

Yesterday Joseph Gordon-Levitt put out this challenge. Record a video: What does Feminism mean to you?

I’m going to be recording my answer this week. I want to send out a request. Please send me your video of what Feminism means to you and I’ll post it on Monday along with mine. At the end of the above video, Joseph Gordon-Levitt has instructions on how to share it so that he sees it as well.

This is a really scary topic to write and talk about. I know. I had an anxiety attack after my last less rational post about my anger about gender inequality, but I think it’s a conversation we need to be having. E-mail me at christine @ creativelifestyleblog (dot) com with your video.

Let’s start this conversation. Thank you for reading.