Hey,

So, this past weekend I sat myself down and completed a task I had been putting off for awhile. I went through the hundreds of posts on this blog, and I chose my favourites/the most significant entries for a “start here” section I’d been wanting to create. Here’s what I came up with.

This is what I realized in doing this: over the last 2.5 years, I’ve done a lot. I’ve done more than I’ve given myself credit for. I have a tendency (like most people, I think) to dwell on all of those things I haven’t done, instead of celebrating those things I have accomplished. It’s so easy to assume that time is passing by too quickly, and that my life is actually not moving forward. God, I put so much energy into examining the various ways I sabotage myself, instead of acknowledging the many ways that I’m empower myself. I have gotten so frustrated with myself in the past (and by past I mean last week) thinking about how far I still need to go.

But, I don’t NEED to go anywhere!! I’m HERE, and here is pretty awesome. Here is the only place where I can make more happen. So why do I have such a hard time acknowledging these accomplishments? Probably because so much of my focus is on the finish line, and I so rarely enjoy the bloody journey. Going back through all those blog posts gave me an opportunity to sit down and acknowledge this journey for the first time in awhile. It made me appreciate me a little bit more. It made me feel proud of who I am right now.

I think this desire to realize my “potential” is one of the main things that have been keeping me in a perpetual state of frustration. I’m going to go on a little bit of a rant…

Why I Hate The Word Potential

Potential. We put that word on such a pedestal. A pedestal that sits on top of this crazy high mountain that I could be lustfully looking up at for the rest of my life. So, I’m letting go of that word, because I think that word is one of the major causes of unhappiness in ambitious people.

This word stops me from writing creatively, it stops me from truly working on my handstand, it stops me from putting everything I have into learning a dialect for class. How does it stop me? Well, it creates this weird false comfort that I have “all this potential,” and so I don’t actually have to work for what I want. Potential is like a phantom limb. It’s incredibly comfortable to live in the fantasy of “potential,” but quite another thing to let that go and just actually work for what you want in your life.

Above picture: On Sunday, I went for a really nice walk along the Vancouver seawall to do some thinking and self reflection. I ended up at False Creek. I sat here for about an hour. One of the most productive hours in my week.

So, I’m grateful!

I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given. I’m grateful for all the incredible people I’ve met. I’m grateful for my strength, my focus, and my curiosity. I’m grateful that I have the ability to be self-reflective. I am grateful for my health. I’m grateful for you.

Moving forward, I’m letting go of this idea of who I could/should be, and I’m going to practice just being me. I’m going to continue to work, but not to achieve my potential. Rather, I’m going to work because I love what I do. I’m going to work daily to improve myself and to challenge myself in new and interesting ways. I’m going to continue to create goals, and I’m going to continue to be ambitious, but I want to let go of the pressure of potential, and simply find the courage to love myself and this journey. I can find that courage every morning when I wake up.

Now I’m going to celebrate me right now and have a chocolate almond croissant. I’ve been staring at this little bugger for months behind the glass at Breka bakery, and today I’m going to indulge.