Over the last couple of weeks I have been recommending this book like crazy.
The impact that The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte has had on my life is sort of enormous. I’m not over-exaggerating. I have read A LOT of books about ‘self-improvement,’ and this book is different. First of all, it’s not really about improvement, but attunement.
What do you want? What do you really want?
I realized that I’d never legitimately answered this question. Ask me one year ago, and I would have said: I want prestige, awards (LOTS of awards), multiple homes, centre stage. Now… I’m not so sure.
As I read her book I realized that there was a reason why moving forward has sometimes felt like climbing a vertical wall with my fingernails. I’d combined progress and punishment. I’d turned growth and achievement into something painful. Making money is hard! Success takes work! I was also determined to do it alone. Accepting help felt like cheating. I didn’t want to cheat. I was going to do this the ‘right’ way – or at least what I perceived to be ‘right way.’
Once a week I would nurse my bloodied fingernails as I recovered from the inevitable crashes; bandaging up the sores and smiling to feign happiness as I prepared to climb the same wall in the same way tomorrow.
I had a vision board.
Decorated with Oscar winners, broadway stages and images of an unfathomable amount of money in my bank account, it stressed me out. Every time I looked at it I became overwhelmed with anxiety. But this is what I’d read that I was supposed to do. Make goals. Put the goals up. That’s what I was doing!! So why wasn’t it working?
Then I read this passage from The Desire Map:
“I’m not saying that positive feelings can’t exist in pursuit of material goals or within conventional environments,” wrote Danielle LaPorte. “I’m saying that, far too often, epidemically often, we go for the external win at the cost of our internal wellness. And that’s because we don’t value inner attunement as much as we value outer attainment.”
Cue aha moment.
Inner attunement? Was she talking about feelings?? That strange, ethereal unreliable response that I’d learned was untrustworthy? Was she saying that I should value my feelings? Even listen to them? Nurture them?
But what did I feel?
“When you get clear on how you want to feel, the pursuit itself becomes more satisfying. The quality of the journey and the destination begin to merge in your heart.” – [excerpt]
PART II: The Workbook
The second part of the book is intense. Questions. Lots of questions — all designed to help you to identify your
Core Desired Feelings.
“Constant racing for success creates habitual and unconscious goal-setting. We need to relearn how to move toward our dreams with trust and well-placed devotion.” [excerpt]
Danielle has a very engaged Facebook page. So while she was writing this book, she asked her followers to answer the question: How do you want to feel? Two pages of words, many of them repeated, fill the pages at the beginning of the book. I got prematurely excited, writing down the words that resonated with me. I chose four words that I thought represented my core-desired feelings: Powerful, Playful, Unstoppable and Passionate. I even wrote them out on brightly coloured paper and put them on my wall.
Then I reached the second part of the book. The workbook.
Pages of questions to work through? I debated even doing it. After all, I had already chosen my words. What was the point? But something inside of me urged me to try.
I bought a journal especially for this process and started answering. I couldn’t stop writing. 13 hours of focused writing spread out over 3 days and I realized that the words that I had chosen weren’t exactly right. Not only that, I realized that I actually knew exactly how I wanted to feel.
“Desire is a teacher: When we immerse ourselves in it without guilt, shame or clinging, it can show us something special about our own mind that allows us to embrace life fully.”- Mark Epstein
I didn’t want to feel unstoppable. The word unstoppable felt like a speeding out-of-control train. It felt inhuman. I realized that this word made me feel guilty about taking breaks, about doing things for pleasure, about failing.
Two new words revealed themselves to me as I journalled: Safe and Engaged. I talk more about why these words resonated with me in this blog post.
I repeat this list of 5 words to myself daily. Every morning I say the words out loud. I listen to them merge with the air. I listen to them spoken by my voice. The result: I’ve never felt so at peace in the present. I’ve never felt so attuned to both what I want and how I want it.
That’s Powerful.
I can’t say it enough. This book is absolutely incredible. Perhaps more than the content, it’s the questions. I’ve never been asked so many of these questions. Maybe you haven’t either.
This isn’t a book that you simply read and put down. This is a book that you engage with and explore. This book is a tool. An extraordinarily valuable tool.
Don’t disregard the impact that it could potentially have on your life. Open it with a heart that is curious to possibility and a new way of knowing the world.
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life.” – Golda Meir
(PS. The book is also FILLED with fantastic quotes about desire from some of the most prominent thought leaders).
READ MORE POSTS ABOUT THE DESIRE MAP BY ME
More Resources:
Learn more about Danielle LaPorte by
- Visiting her website: www.daniellelaporte.com
- Following her on
More Reviews (links go directly to their review)
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[…] Powerful, Passionate, Playful, Engaged and Safe; the five words that I chose when working through The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. The word ‘safe’ reminds me that no matter how boldly I fight, I’ll always have […]
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[…] December I worked through Danielle LaPorte’s fantastic book The Desire Map. I loved this book. I spent somewhere around 15 hours working through her questions, and through […]