Practice is one of those concepts that has really escaped my grasp over the years. I mean, I’m PRO at working my ass off for no apparent reason, but when it comes to working with a very specific aim and goal – especially if the goal is something I REALLY want – I haven’t been so good at following through. This thing called ‘doubt’ has had a tendency of getting in the way… a lot.

Also, I’m the kind of person who likes to be good at things right away. I’ve had a habit of ‘winging’ auditions because of over-confidence and an over-dependency on all the time I’ve already put in – ‘time’ versus dedicated and very intentioned work.

The Voice Intensive in Toronto changed some things for me.

We learned how to practice, and what true practicing even means. We played without an aim. We explored without an objective. We entered into every day not exactly knowing what we might leave with. I returned to Vancouver feeling revitalized and reawakened.

On week three, one of my classmates and I looked up ‘practice’ in the OED, compiled the almost full column of definitions together, and came up with our own.

We practice in order to prove a belief. We’ practice to uncover, discover, or build something that’s not currently apart of our experience, but that we believe ourselves capable of obtaining or understanding. In essence, we practice into darkness, because on the other side of true practice there is no certainty. Only discovery.

And that’s a little bit scary.

That takes a lot of trust, and a willingness to change either a little or a lot every day for the rest of your life. True practice can’t be stagnant. There will be a blend of disastrously discouraging sessions, and ones that are luminous and encouraging. We need all of those types of days to move forward. Nothing is ever wasted.

Sometimes we need to wade through the gunk to get to the good stuff.

My Practice

Last week I followed through on a commitment to myself, and spent between an hour and a half to two hours, for 6 days in a row, deliberately practicing the vocal exercises and releases I’d learned at the intensive. It was harder than I’d expected it to be. I kept thinking about the future – how long am I actually going to keep this up? I’d ask myself. Most of the days, staying focused was exceptionally challenging. I often felt myself wanting to phone it in.

But I didn’t.

All of these challenges that I’ve been experiencing are just part of the practice. Working through resistance and doubt is a practice. Following through is a practice.

I also forced myself to stop thinking about the future. I released myself from the weight of ambition. I asked myself questions: What will happen if I do this? How does it feel when I do this?

I took many dance breaks.

There was no ‘right’ way. No end goal. Just play.

I felt amazing.

I took a similar approach in preparing for an audition. Over two days, I repeated the audition in a variety of scenarios 55 times. A two page auditions. I had the lines down after reading 5, but I kept doing it. I kept doing it wrong. I kept discovering. And then, as I walked into the audition room, I threw away my ambition and desire to get the job, and I continued to play.

I have a callback this weekend.

Your Practice; Your Search

Here’s my question for you: What are you searching for?

Personally, I’m looking for the person inside of me that’s capable of achieving her dreams, and I feel her closer to the surface of my skin than she’s ever felt before (and still, there’s so much more to discover).

I’m searching for the person inside of me that can belt out a ballad, break out into spontaneous dance on the street when music is heard around the corner. I’m searching for the person who can walk into a high stakes situation (like an audition) and be able to breathe. I’m searching for a consistent experience of released shoulders, jaw, and a back that breathes right up into my back ribs. I’m searching for ease, joy, and love.

One last thought.

Don’t worry so much about those 10,000 hours, but when yo think you’re done your practice… keep going. Keep practicing past the desire to stop. There’s probably something juicy on the other end.

Practice to win, but don’t practice with ambition. Don’t practice to get it right. Practice with curiosity.

Get rid of the don’ts and I never’s. Play, and see what happens.

That’s what I’ve been doing, and so far it seems to be paying off.

At least in joy, if nothing else.