I’d like to preface this entry, by clarifying that this reflection doesn’t actually have anything to do with what is going on in my life right now…

That’s pretty vague, huh? Okay, it is related to something that happened to me over the last year, and I feel compelled to explore it now.

What happened to me can basically be narrowed down into one very misunderstood word: Obsession.

It happened almost a year ago. A chance encounter. A feeling of connection like I’d never experienced before – butterflies and all the rest. Texts throughout the day. Two more encounters – although neither as magical as the first. And then an abrupt ending.

For a year conversation would start again out of no where, and end in the same way. Waves of longing. I would get excited at the possibility of seeing this person again. I’d turn on Taylor Swift music and dance in my kitchen. I imagined the possibilities.

What does it mean to be obsessed with someone? It’s definitely not one of the most flattering of human experiences, but I think it’s one that we all share. What I’ve learned from my own experience is that, I think, sometimes moments of connection should be left alone. Once over, maybe they’re best left as a memory. “Two ships passing in the night” said my friend Sarah (referencing the metaphor by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow) when I told her the story.

Ugh, that’s painful though isn’t it! To just let something nice go without trying to gut it for everything it’s worth (I’m making a joke).

The thing that haunts me about the whole thing is that every other time I met up with this person, I would feel a hardening ball of disappointment growing in my stomach. He was just a person. As flawed as me. As confused as I was.

The person that I’d been obsessing about wasn’t even him at all.

I was obsessing about the person who existed inside of a memory. I was obsessing about a feeling. I was obsessing about a story that had ended too soon – a story that I’d woken up from before I reached the ending.

For a year I tried to fall back asleep and continue the dream where I’d left off, and I’d wake up frustrated – somehow believing that I had sabotaged a future that could have been great.

Yes, obsession is an interesting thing.

The reason that I’m sharing this very vulnerable story with you is that I’m in the process of writing my first book of short stories.

The topic of this compilation: Obsession.

I’m almost finished the fourth (and almost final?) draft of my first story, and I can’t wait to get started on the next one.

As you’ve probably been able to tell from my blog over the years, I’m interested in exploring the truth of the human experience. So, these stories will be exploring obsession in a less sinister and more human way. Multiple characters, different perspectives. I’ll be exploring obsessions with people, work, death, grief, identity, and a whole host of other topics.

Now for the ask!

I’m very interested in talking with people about their own experiences with obsession. I am not interested in telling anyone’s story verbatim, but I am looking for inspiration. If you think you might be interested in chatting with me over Skype or in person, please send me an email at thepositivityproject.cm (at) gmail (dot) com

And please share your thoughts in the comments below.

When you hear the word ‘obsession’ what is the first word/feeling/sensation that comes to mind for you?