I‘ve been interested in spoken word for awhile now, and after my first meeting with my mentor in January 2015, I even told her that one of my goals was to film a spoken word poem. But man, have I ever been afraid to do it!

One of the spoken word artists I really look up to is Shane Koyzan. His passion and way with words is hypnotic, but I felt overwhelmed by the enormous amount of work I would have to put in to reach even close to his level. “You have to start from somewhere” right, but 10,000 hours of practice always felt like enough time to drown in, and I’d often find myself starring at a task feeling inadequate and underprepared because that number is so large and regardless of the amount of hours I put in, I always just felt… afraid, and crazy intimidated.

In acting class this week my teacher, Ben Ratner, challenged me to hold my head straight (ie. NO head tilt – my aunt is probably smiling in the stars at this). Suddenly, I felt empowered in my body and in my performance. I guess Amy Cuddy‘s really on to something.

So time spent matters (the words from that poem came from three separate entries from this blog – written over the last 4 years), but so does the way that you present it. The way you present yourself. The way you hold yourself. The way you say what you want.

There’s a big difference between saying “I’m an actor” and then quickly averting your eyes and sort of disappearing behind your shoulders, and saying it and smiling – knowing that it’s true (or that it will be). That’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the last couple of months. When I’m empowered in myself, I open myself up to opportunity. That opportunity just doesn’t come out of fear and the averted and distracted attention span.

On my mirror at home I have 4 pieces of advice from Mindy Kaling (read the full article here):

1. Work Hard
2. Know Your Shit
3. Show Your Shit
4. Feel Entitled

In this order, this is pretty solid advice (in addition to being a really solid example of why it’s important to make the distinction between you’re and your).

I often get stuck at number two.

I work my butt off and study incessantly. I will be so bold as to say that, yes, I know a lot of shit. But I’ve often felt TERRIFIED of showing it. Even more terrified to believe that I’m somehow deserving (god forbid ‘entitled’ – that dirty word when not preceded by steps 1-3) of something great – like working with people I respect and admire.

The Poem

The poem I shared above is actually a compilation of turns of phrases that I’ve written on this blog. The work was actually already done (which was the crazy thing), I just had to put it together. And get over the fear. I had to stand by my words, and trust that (even scarier) I had a right to say them.

My motivation: the Jeb Beach and Associates Double Down Contest.
He challenged local actors to film a 30 second video on their smart phone. So, I thought. Okay. What do I have to lose.

You can vote for my submission by clicking here.

And if you’re interested. Here’s the ‘poem’:

Whenever I’m feeling discouraged, I do the same thing.
I break my life down into little boxes,
And then move those boxes around like a rubik’s cube
Until I can find the flaw that is causing the problem.

The goal, you see, is to create this perfectly colour co-ordinated life.

But as kids, we didn’t give a shit about co-ordination.
We coloured so far outside the lines, it was like the lines were invisible to us,
And they sort of were.

So, maybe all that any of us can ever do is feel what we’re feeling,
And trust that by the end of our lives we’ll somehow make sense as people.

And if we don’t… awesome.

I had so much doing this (despite how afraid I was), and I’m definitely going to be doing more.

But first, I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this.