“I’ve been told I spend a lot of time inside my own head.”

That’s how the spoken word poem that I’ll be performing tonight starts.

I did something a little bad. After filming this 30 second long poem with my friend Jazmine, I requested a spot on stage to perform a 4 minutes long poem that I hadn’t actually written yet. I’ve heard you’re supposed to do things like that. On Tuesday, it still wasn’t written, except for a few thrown together lines on my computer.

Tuesday afternoon I sat down at my computer to write. No need to panic. But then my computer died, and there were no available outlets at the cafe I had chosen. Deep breaths. I closed my computer, took out a pen and paper, and for two and a half hours the poem, with varying speeds, flew out from my pen. I looked at what I’d done the next day, and there was actually very little that I wanted to change. Yesterday, I memorized it. Today I’ve been running it on my bike, and in the shower, and on the floor.

I told my therapist on Tuesday: I’m not used to saying the thoughts I write with my hands out loud. My writing is a different side of me, and combining the two in speech is… unnerving. I’m scared and excited at the same time. I can’t wait to get on stage. But I’m also nervous that my vocal tremor will show up, and that my mouth with twitch, and that I’ll lose my place and say the wrong section next. Somehow… I don’t think any of that is going to happen. I’ll have my paper in front of me if I need it. And I’ll remember to breathe, and take my time, and trust in myself.

Maybe it’s more helpful to focus on the thoughts that empower me versus scare me. Even if I’m scared that they might not be true.

If you’re in Vancouver, you can come hear me speak at the Lux Lounge (How and Davie) at 8pm. There’s a $5 expected donation, and proceeds go to support Project Limelight.

You can RSVP on the Facebook event by clicking here.