I’ve been trying my very best to remind myself that I don’t actually ever know what is going to happen next.

I don’t know that this next email is going to be a rejection (although I did receive three rejection emails in the last three days – one of which was my FIRST rejection for publication in a magazine!!! – is my enthusiasm weird?).

I don’t know when I’m going to wake up into a day that changes everything. I’ve already had a few this year. I’ve observed something about these days. They’ve ALWAYS, without a single exception, happened when I was excited about my life – not when I was feeling defeated by it.

I want to share one day with you.

This day happened at the SociaLIGHT conference in Vancouver. It was a magical day, I think in part because I entered that day sort of expecting it to be magical.

They usually tell you at the start of these events to introduce yourself to people. You don’t have to tell me that. I’m PRO at showing up at events alone (although at this one I actually came with Melody Biringer from CRAVE).

Over the last few years, I’ve turned ‘showing up at events alone’ into a little bit of a professional sport. I’ve done it/ I do it a lot.
Showing up alone leaves me with two choices:

A) I can wander around the event like a recluse, feeling embarrassed by my decision not to bring a ‘date’ – and calling attention to this embarrassment. My resting face is ‘lost’ – something I’ve learned over the years by the large amount of people who often ask me “are you okay?”

B) I can own up to this decision – as I did do it intentionally afterall – and use it as a starting point for conversation. “Hey, I don’t know anyone here. My name is Christine.” This is followed by a firm handshake (if you’ve ever shaken my hand, you know I got the firmness down).

I’m writing this in retrospect.

In my first forays into going to events alone, I SUCKED at it.

During the start of my employment at My Yoga Online in 2013 (I worked there for 12 months), I went to a Vega event. I was the only one of my co-workers who wanted to go. So I went, and I was awkward as hell. I even ended up getting myself locked out when I went to the washroom – the wrong washroom as it turned out. The door locked behind me, and mortified I started walking through random doors, trying to find an alternate exit. Eventually I found myself exiting the entire building. I ran around to the front, and knocked meekily on the glass doors until the security guard noticed me. I explained I was with the Vega party, and made ‘a wrong turn.’ He let me back in – thank god — and I returned to my table and to my plate of food, which I hadn’t touched yet.

And that story is just about how awkward I can sometimes be in general. In conversation (back then) I felt invisible and hyper-aware of myself at the same time. I wanted people to find me interesting, and as a result I think I came across as extremely insecure – which I was.

I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve learned that the ‘hungry’ look of insecurity – which also seems to make the eyes look a little bit glassy – can only be prevented when we don’t actually feel it. Great advice, right? You’re welcome – this is the part of growth that only you can discover for yourself. I’m still working on it.

So, I want to tell you about my day at SociaLIGHT

I bought myself a nice new dress and showed up at the venue feeling pretty solid. I introduced myself to everyone. I talked excitedly about the projects I was working on both with The Crave Company and on my own. I gathered business cards, and followed through the next day.

What came out of this ONE DAY at SociaLIGHT?
1. I PERFORMED on the SociaLIGHT stage, after visualizing myself doing just that during the actual conference, the next day at the CRAVE event. It was magical.
3. And this performance led to me meeting a singer songwriter who I’m now collaborating with as a writer on her next album.
4. I also met another women after my performance who I’ve started meeting up with on Fridays as part of a connection initiative she’s started around Gastown called Fika Friday.
5. Finally, I made a connection with the head of a local Toast Masters group, and ended up going to one of their meetings a few weeks later (something I’d wanted to do since Highschool).

And this list only includes A FEW of the things that happened.

Just a reminder, that sometimes all it takes is a day, and a little self-belief.

Want to hear the poem I performed on the Social Light stage?

You can watch it here:

Performed in Deep Cove. Filmed by Jeff Todd.