I’ve always been a little bit shy and a little bit quiet, and throughout my childhood, adolescence, and my early 20’s I have looked on those boisterous and confident seeming individuals with envy. In social situations I would try my best to replicate them, but I always left feeling inauthentic, down on myself, and discouraged. “Why can’t I just let go?” was a script that frequently replayed in my mind. I thought there was something wrong with me. For me, the perfect afternoon is spending a couple of hours at a coffee shop with a good book or an open word document (to write), followed by some sushi with one close friend. I dislike going to parties because they make me feel overwhelmed, and when standing in a group of strong personalities I often feel like I lose my voice and my identity.

I thought all of this meant that there was something wrong with me, but Susan Cain’s book made me realize that actually I’m fine. I’m just an introvert. Although the books definitely has a bias towards the introvert, and puts the personality type on a pedestal next to the extravert, I think that this was necessary. The book opens with a section that follows the rise of the extravert ideal with self-help books that believe being authentic means being loud and “letting go.” Cain’s book is the first book I’ve read in awhile that acknowledges that “finding your voice” means a different thing to every individual. You don’t have to look like Tony Robbins to successfully find your voice. You just need to discover the authentic version of yourself. When you find her or him you’ll know, because you will feel relaxed and confident. You shouldn’t have to strain to be who you are.

This book is very well researched, and I finished with a new found sense of security and appreciation for the person that I am; however, I think that it’s important to acknowledge that we are all a mixture of introvert and extravert. There is also a danger that this book may serve as an excuse or justification for  shyness. Cain reminds her readers early on that there is a difference between being “shy” and being “introverted.” Shyness comes from a place of insecurity, whereas being introverted has more to do with how you interact with the world and from which environments you draw your energy.

I am a strong believer that we create our own realities. If you allow your introversion to be the thing that holds you back, it will be. Cain makes mention of pseudo-introverts (introverts who behave extroverted), and I am one hundred per cent on board for this description. Behaving against type doesn’t mean you’re being inauthentic, it means you’ve developed the courage  to be malleable. This book is really about understanding your “type” so that you can more capably reach your potential. What’s the old adage? You must know the rules in order to break them.