A third challenge completed. I worked through my fear today, and achieved great results. While performing my scene for the class, I really gave myself permission to relax, and to have fun with it. I allowed myself to get lost in what was happening, and I let my instincts take over. It was such a freeing experience, to not be paralyzed by fear. When it was our turn to go up, even though I did feel that knot in my stomach – instead of dwelling, I breathed through it. Outside the door I allowed myself to become consumed by the moment before in the story I was about to tell. I literally did not give my mind the chance to be afraid, and as a result I gave one of my best performances yet – in my opinion. I still have a long way to go, but I am confident in the steps that I’m taking. The next challenge will be to eliminate fear in the audition room. That is by far my most difficult class, but I know that it’s all in my head. By saying that it’s my most difficult class, I am actually creating that reality. What I need to do, is switch my thinking all together. “Audition is my favorite class – it gives me an opportunity to be completely free, and to play.” That’s more like it.

I also gave myself permission to relax and to laugh today. It’s amazing how liberating a genuine smile can be. As a person, I am wound of pretty tight. I always have work on the mind, and I have a lot of difficulty letting go. As an actor, I’m going to have to find the perfect balance between these two extremes. Although I do not want to lose my work ethic, I also realized how important letting go is for my career. In order to really live in the moment, I need to let go of the need to be in control. I also have to let go of the fear of making a mistake. Without making mistakes, I’m not going to learn. Without believing in myself, I’m not going to grow.

I’m ready to grow.