Can I get a re-set?

Whew! So naturally every person has goals that they work towards… but what happens when you actually achieve one of your major goals? What happens when your life is awesome, but (here comes the punch in the stomach) you’re still not happy?

Am I insane here? Not only am I acting, but my “survival job” (I hate that term) is as a writer/editor. I couldn’t have planned a better life than the one that I have right now. And yet I have only exercised once this week, and  I feel perpetually tired and irritable as I run from one thing to the next.

Being the sort of compulsive list-maker person that I am, you can bet that I had a very specific idea of what my life would be like when it was perfect. This ‘perfect life’ did not involve me desperately crawling out of bed at 6:30am with the intention of exercising, having a “pre-workout snack” of a banana dipped in “a little bit” (hah) of almond butter, and then passing out on the couch until I’ve slept through my workout time and now have to get ready for work. Now, of course, I’m cranky and as the water in the shower hits my face I lean against the shower wall and try to snap myself into an awake and positive state.

The excuse “I’ll start doing that when…” doesn’t work anymore once you’re actually where you want to be. I don’t have an excuse anymore. I can’t complain about my job because I love my job. I can’t complain about my “inconvenient shift” because I set my own hours. I can’t moan and groan about not having enough money, because I have enough money. It’s a weird crossroads that I am very unfamiliar with, and I have to be honest… it scares the hell out of me.

It’s scary to realize that even though everything in my life is going awesome, I’m still not happy. Do you know why that’s scary? Because it cements the fact that happiness has nothing to do with your external circumstances, but has everything to do with what’s going on inside you.

You decide to be happy, and you can choose happiness no matter what circumstance you find yourself in. This has been a major lesson for me, and this weekend I am taking some time to really work on myself and bring my vibration up to reach my current physical state of being – does that make sense to anyone? I (meaning my soul/essence/ whatever you want to call it) need to catch up with my current physical manifestation of success before I can truly let-go, relax, and enjoy the ride. If I don’t close the gap between these two conflicting worlds, well, then I’m going to find myself stuck outside of my comfort zone in this bizarre feeling alternate reality where adults ask my opinion on things, and I’m actually taken seriously as a writer and as an artist.

It’s a  just a simple mind-set switch. Easy.

Now… if I were a switch, where would I be?